More things change more they never will

Well rolled into Golden Valley, AZ, to visit my grandmother, build some solar panels, do some other things to the van. I get here and am immediately inundated with 21st century American culture, TV on, computer with unlimited access. I am overloading with stimulus and thus it is hard to focus on tasks at hand,(off topic, but being no one reads this anyway I'll get personal on my feelings, So I am watching this TV stuff and I see societies vision of happy people, house, car, family, friends, and loved ones. I watch and I comes to the realization that I don't think I have felt someones else love for me in about 27 months, friends far and too few, my house is my car, it seems as though something is wrong with me, as I crave the love of another whether it be a simple prolonged hugs or something more, I wish I could be normal sometimes as they are in the fantasy of TV anyway so I have been sad for a few days because of this, but I did want to tell you people out there with kids, significant others, and loving friends, don't take them for granted and cherish every moment the grass is brown on this side.) I started with making my solar panel, not recommended the cells are very fragile it take extreme care and patience, which sometimes do to my past my hands shake too much and I ended breaking more cells than using, but I got it done and it should last all summer then I will buy a commercially made one, but its a lesson I have learned, I got my seat in, This is a really depressing blog so I am going to end it..