Re-evaluations

It seems, the more time I spend in an organized societal structure, the more time I begin to doubt my ideals. The ideas I have of a community and building an earth-ship seem more distant than ever. I find myself starting to develop relationships and plans for the future that stray away. Did I just waste the last 18 months of learning and planning to just go back to the world I left behind?? I have no idea or plans past today anymore, I spend time kayaking and hanging out with friends I can not seem to remember anything I wanted before I got here. I am even starting to believe money can be a real concept. I think I am losing idenity and falling into a mold. Who am I crosses my mind daily, while I am starting to think of people as my playthings not my fellow humans and I am also starting to hold some resentments, I think I need a vacation from my vacation, the societal drama is starting to take its toll on me.