My Disease as an outsider Looking in

I couple weeks ago, I got  watch my disease in action as I was invited to join a family for dinner and drinks. I watched the painful disintegration of a family though an outsiders eyes, as alcohol turned a seemingly nice person into a monster berating her children and spewing venom. It is a terrible thing to witness, but I am glad to have watched it because sometimes I forget about the hypnotic effect. For every party where everyone is smiling, there is the one where everyone is crying. I also spent some time watching another group's weekend turn from an amazing trip to just sitting around as one co-dependent  cleans up after a stumbling squirrel. I am currently not sober but close to it, I am aware of myself and I struggle on, it is hard to say no but easy not to buy in. 

Another week down

Well I have made it another week and it has been a good one. After a hellish weekend we had a company meeting which is good because you get to see familiar faces and bitch about guests. Then I got a neighbor, a nice lay moved in to help out with the day use area so I am not so lonely anymore, tons of small dogs on the pound website today, I may be accruing a friend only time will tell. I hope all is well on your front.

I used to walk uphill 2 Miles to make a phonecall

Well alot of insanity this weekend, there was homemade beer, a ren fair wedding, late night swimming, and even a drunken camphost who fell and sprained his wrist. I survived another week here in desolation, but on wed last week my satalite went out so I climbed 2 miles straight up the mountain and made a call. Now that did not seem to help so I gave up and read a couple books, but yesterday I tried again, t the top I went, I actually got somewhere this time and got to veg out I also took these pictures with my new camera phone.This is a terrible entry but oh well just haven't been feeling very spectacular lately. oh well.

I Wanna Be a Homeless Hero

I have no clue what that title means other than it sounded good. I have had a good day took a shower at the university, abused the laundromat wi-fi, and got enough food for a month at the food bank. Free food is always good for 2 reasons, 1st you get random grab bags of cans so every bag is like a present you never know whats inside until you unwrap it. and 2nd alot of the food at the food bank is the healthier stuff no one buys I got some sweet whole wheat pasta and oatmeal with a box of Starbucks chai tea. I got some good healthy stuff except for some poptarts!!! Awesome day.

I miss my gay friends

Well started the day today by stealing a shower at the local college, first hot shower in 3 months, feeling pretty good today. The season is winding down and I should be on the road soon, still not sure where I am going, Amazon has not sent my hire letter which is kinda messing with my winter vacation plans, I might just be staying stateside. Met some awesome people this week a great family and some cute ladies. Being in Northern Utah is like being stuck in 1950 middle America. Everyone has these nice nuclear families and tons of love to give, so much trust and happiness it is almost like the real world doesn't exist and family secrets are locked in a vault. There are no blacks, or gays and that makes me a little sad, I miss the fun and openess of gay friends, and the freeness of hippies and the real world view of black friends hopefully I will get back to these things soon. I miss my dirty, dark, tainted, sin-filled world.

What I Have Learned In My First 30 Years

Well,  I wrote a long on drawn out essay on what I learned in my first 30 years. It was full of hate and spite towards society, police, and the feudal lordship that is the world today, it took about 5 pages on paper, and then I remembered I have also learned people dislike self-righteous assholes who bitch about problems and then do not provide realistic solutions. So as I climb off my high horse, that is standing on a soapbox, and take a more realistic approach the things I know now are about the same as I knew when I was 5; be nice to people, share, biting is not cool, and fighting also. It is harder to get people to like you than to despise you, but on the other end it is easier to love someone and forgive their faults than it is to hate someone and hold grudges. My mommy is the only cool girl in the whole world, and the world is a big place ripe for exploring ( how come nobody has the job title "Explorer" anymore)  Just the basics. Now from my adolescence views have changed being numb and cloudy will not help you get freedom. The world is amazing with a fresh breath and clear head, I climbed out of the bottle in time to live a little. And my mommy is still the coolest girl in the world, but not the only cool one. SO on this day I wish myself a Happy Birthday because everyday I am alive is a great day, (God knows I tried not to be here numerous times). And, everyday is ripe for exploring, I am officially changing my occupation to Explorer. (or maybe Alexplorer)

Drunken and Well Fed.

(Disclaimer my page views have been slipping in the past couple months so in an effort to get them up I will be adding random keywords into this blog, this is most likely more annoying than funny but I have but one shot skip the all caps words)

Being a single camphost or maybe any camphost for that matter is quite an experience, SEX. I drive around and get alot of free meals, now here in Utah dutch ovens are quite popular so most of the meals come from them, NAKED MEN. Now I am learning what foods are  popular here, potatoes and root vegetables as well as hardy foods you would expect in a colder climate, SMURFS MOVIE. Most meals are very tasty, but differ little in flavor, the most drastic change I have noticed is the chili in Utah, BERT, ERNIE, AND OSCAR LOVE TRIANGLE. The chili here is quite sweet and I am pretty sure they use BBQ sauce in it and they have never heard of chili powder or CUMin. All in all most food is tasty and a great change from my pasta and shakes diet. I also am offered a wide variety of adult beverages and because the boozers in Utah are so out numbered as soon as the discover you are not Mormon, CHILD BRIDE, they welcome you in with open arms and stiff drinks. There is no wine here though. I find that quite odd. KILLER SQUIRRELS. Cobbler is the dessert of choice and I don't think I have ever or will ever eat so much of it again. JOHN WAYNE. Overall I am drunk and full most the time. It is this fat alcoholics WET DREAM.