Well hello everybody (both of you), welcome back to the ever depressing and morally reprehensible
" I am so lonely it's Christmas blog" .
What an exciting year, I started off in Mexico under a warm sky after spending a week with my mother and her newest husband,then drove off to Baja for sun and relaxation. Upon coming to my senses, I travelled to Europe to see my one true Bulgarian love, we spent much time together and I departed for Poland. In Poland I met some amazing people and earned a CELTA certificate to teach English. This was my future plan, in this moment, I could stay in Europe and teach and be with my heart. However as it turns out, much as this blog documents, the more things change the more they stay the same. Currently I am alone, cold, and trapped. All these terms are quite literal in meaning and I will address them as such.
Firstly, after much fighting and arguing about the future, I am alone, two and half years and many wonderful times later, my girlfriend decided to throw me away, not because she was aware of any
transgressions or any misbehavior's; but because I want a future with her and she is not yet ready to commit. Story of my life, I always desire the one thing I can never have.
Secondly, the cold, I am currently working at a language school in Saint Petersburg, Russia; I am an English teacher.My days are filled with great people and amazing children. Most of my day is spent at home relaxing, but it is very cold or so they say (Minnesota was colder). We only get about 7 hours hours of daytime and without sun.
Lastly, the trapped part, I choose to come to Russia because it was the highest paying job in Europe I could acquire, thus visits with "the one" could be more frequent and less expensive. However since arriving the ruble, which I am paid in, has lost 50% of its value, rendering my paycheck almost useless. Now, while inflation has yet to rear its ugly head, I am still strapped by a ridiculous exchange rate. Therefore I can not depart satisfactorily. Add into this that because of previous deplorable acts, which I committed in the State of Texas, my Arizona driver's licence has been revoked. I had a hearing, but I am in Russia. I am a van dweller, keyword VAN, this means I live in a van, if I have no licence I have no house. Also, on top of all this somebody, unbeknownest or maybe beknownest, came into my abode and helped themselves to all the money I had saved: let me do this equation for you
(ruble crash+broken heart+winter in Russia+No licence+self-imposed solitude+violent mugging= I am so lonely its Christmas blog.)
In conclusion, life is not so bad Vodka and champagne are cheap, I am not in America, and I liked almost love my job, I know its not so bad and life is amazing. I had a ton of great adventures this year, blood soaked taxis, czech strip clubs, Australian spit-roasts, hostel adventures, broken cars, Vegas room service, and I only wish I could divulge them all like I used to, but my relationship status changed that.
On the positive side, I may be able to become the drifter again and tell the tales of debauchery you all love so much.
Adios, Leka nousht, Good night, and Merry Christmas
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
I was happy lived a good life had all I needed and was very content, traveled where I wanted, saw everything I wanted to. I was truly free of desire and intention. I had what some thought was an amazing life. To be truly free is to live how you wish and to set and achieve attainable goals and desires. I wrote weekly on a blog and told amazing stories of the good times I had. In the last couple years I have become blinded by desire and spent these years chasing a want. While the thing I wanted remained unattainable. The thing I chase is not gold, power, or money. It is not something that which the world craves, it is not something that can truly be obtained. It is a real thing, a thing with feelings and emotions and its own desire to breathe free air. I have changed so much about myself and my life to achieve this goal, that I no longer see myself in the mirror. I still can locate my smile and find the joy in my life, but no longer my freedom. I am truly alone more than ever in foreign territory, lost at sea. I chase something with free will and do not wish to impede that. The chase has left me unhappy because the closer I get the more it pushes away. My entire life has changed in these years, I have changed everything and let desire consume me. In my madness my course has been turned around and I can barely recall who I was. Desire and the chase has left me tired. I do not know that quenching this desire will fulfill me, but I no longer want the chase.
At what point do a man desire become unhealthy, when does gold fever become hysteria and when does wanderlust become disassociation. This is story as old as time, I never thought I would fall prey to desire again. I am happy with having my needs met and not wishing for gold and riches. I have been at sea for too long without seeing dry land. When do you turn around and return to the start?