Friday, April 27, 2012

Challenge Accepted

If I have learned anything about myself in this lifetime, it is that I like to push myself to my mental, emotional, and physical limits. To most this seems reckless, but to me it is more about finding my breaking point. I belive Einstein said it best with "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one", and to myself I want to find the limits of my reality and push myself into a void and darkened realm. How best do you understand insanity, if you have not been insane? Can you really understand what it is to love, without first experiencing true loss?? How can you know what your limits are if you have not pushed against them? With this I have decided once again to challenge/torture myself.

The challenge is to get from Kingman, AZ to my work location in Moran, Wy in 12 days. Seems rather easy, right?

Here are the parameters which I am holding myself to:

1). No public/payed transportation

2). I will have only $20 dollars

3). No purchasing food

4). No asking for anything other than directions

5). No accepting rides over 30 miles

6). No hotels, or motels

7). Only thing that can be purchased is water.

8). No Interstates

9). Must accept all offered things, with the exception of rule 5

This doesn't seems so hard, but we will see. I am taking a pen and paper and will try update this blog as often as I can if not, I will put together an essay when I get where I am going. I leave next Tuesday, Love you all.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

This Is Where I

This is where I would normally feel sorry for myself and write a sad blog. Today has been an off day, well everyday is an off day.  Living this empty lifestyle is starting to wear me down, I have my typical list of grievances with life, no emotional connection to anyone and no friends whatsoever. Instead of dwelling on that I am choosing to try to figure out how I got here. I currently live my life in such a state as to not dwell on the past and not think about the future. For some reason my earlier  life was full of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of the dark, fear of intimacy, fear of strangers and fear of dying alone. I am to assume most of these fears have a great bearing on how I live my life now. I never made any new friends after high school and as my partying got worse most of my friends went away to jobs and relationships, as I moved across the country. I am still here stunted in my adolescence. I am still learning to overcome my fears, but as I spend more time away from society I see more of them reappearing, I am no longer scared to try new things, I could care less if people leave me, I get rejected daily for the most part, and yearn for intimacy.  I recently returned to America from an extended trip in Mexico where because of language barriers I never interacted with anyone. I am back in the states now and I find it hard to talk to people, I am nervous and scared. I have lost my last remaining friends recently due to my own selfishness and hard living lifestyle. I would love to be able to take the time to try to fix these broken bonds, but truth be told I will more than likely never see any of them again, I have moved away. I still have a huge fear of dying alone, which prays on me everyday, I do not have anyone left to discuss my fears and thoughts with, so I type them in this blog. It provides some minor relief to the numbing pain of my loneliness. Without even trying I know that my next year holds an endless stream of temporary friendships and get to know you chat, but nothing of value will come from them. I am looking to get off the road by the end of 2012 and start up a life somewhere new and that scares me a fair amount because at my age where does one meet new people??  I just had to type something to get out of this funk. I do not know why i am so full of fear, but it is eating from the inside out most days. I know in my heart life will continue to be great and I am fortunate to have the few families members I have.

In other news moved from Texas to Arizona to store my van, plan on going to Wyoming on foot, and doing a ton of research on earthbag and rammed earth dwellings. I would love to type some exhilarating story of fun and adventure to entertain you, but I do not have it in me.

I LOVE EVERYONE OF YOU and Hope you appreciate every friend you have because your truly blessed.

David Drifter

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Its a Blessing and a Curse

This week I took some much needed travel time and went to the beach in Port Aransas. Upon arriving I quickly rented a surfboard and headed out to the shore which would become my home for the next few days.
The van the way it was meant to be.

I quickly learned  that renting a board, watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and youtube videos titled "how to surf", does not make you a surfer. I paddled out several times trying to catch the perfect wave, this soon became trying to catch any wave. My first day was a failure, but I did learn some lessons and was rearing to go for day two. On the second day I successfully caught some waves while lying down and even almost stood up a couple times. I am confident that if I had a week, or less choppy surf, I would nail it. I may have looked riduculous to some while trying to learn, but without failure there is no success and without trying there is no failure. I took my bumps and had a blast.

In the down time (actually recovery time because my ass was getting kicked), I made my first ever sandcastle.
As you can tell I used Mayan architecture and even put in a garden.

I was happy with my building.

As all good things must come to an end I headed back to civilization and checked my email to find a hire packet from Grand Teton Lodge Company. I guess that means I have a job. Yay Me!!!! I spent some time deliberating and decided I would drop the van in Arizona and hitchhike to Wyoming to save fuel and kill time. They provide me a dorm, so I figure I do not need the van this summer anyway. At the end of summer I would be returning to Arizona to spend my second summer elsewhere anyhow, now I won't have to buy gas twice.  Roadtrip should be nice. I hope that Stumpy and Cindy have time to do something while I am in Arizona.  

I hope everyone is good, I love you all.