This journey has been going on for over 4 years now and I still have yet to find the redemption I was looking at the commencement. I don't know what I was searching for, perhaps just a place where I felt I belonged. The journey started when I lost a job and decided that I did not want to be part of traditional society anymore. I moved into a van and traveled my country trying to find a place and a family. I found so many wonderful people many whom I still consider true friends, even though we don't talk as much as we used to, I know these people will always be there for me.
David Drifter started this blog as a crazy free spirit travelling though the world getting into all kinds of mischief and trying to stay alive, since those first wild and crazy blogs, I believe a more mature Alex has emerged. I had never truly loved before or appreciated life, I was living in the moment and trying to enjoy everything, as self destructive as it may have been.
Looking back, I am glad to have grown in the ways I did. I have hit my fair amount of rough patches, but in the end I am truly blessed. This is a sappy overly philosophical blog, like most of them are....
I think that love is the truest and purist thing that a human being can have in the world, the ability to be selfless and give oneself to another is truly an exercise, that must be experienced. I have found love on this journey and I have known the loss of love. The latter is one of the most painful experiences a human can have. Now while love is not "real" and can not be measured by science, we all know it's there, creeping in our heads, first introduced though lust and animal instincts or necessity; then, once the primal urges dissipate, we feel true feelings and want to share ourselves and our experience with someone. One of my favorite things in this world is making a memory with someone, it is something special, that can only be captured by a few.
I believe love is a unique emotion, I have found so much love on my journey, with friends, partners and myself. It is insane when I set out on this journey alone, I did expect to find so much. Its been 4 years, and I have changed careers and moved many times.
This morning I am waking up in Thailand, a place I never imagined I would live. I am in love with an amazing girl and I have made some friendships and connections with people that I am glad to have a chance to know. I am lucky to have my life, I try to remember this everyday. I know that maybe some of you are out there lost in the world and still searching for what you need. Maybe you need to look elsewhere, I don't know.
What I do know is 53 months ago I was fired from a job I enjoyed, I changed and took a risk. It has not all been great,I had never felt more loneliness, and despair. However with all the bad there has been far more good, I still have my demons that I fight with. The same demons and dragons I will battle for the rest of my life, but I am happy. Sometimes, when you think life is lost or not worth it you need to sit back and enjoy the things you have.
I will admit that I lose perspective sometimes, and get down on myself. Then I try to see myself and realize things are not that bad and I am lucky. I should be dead by now, the dragons should have slayed me, but instead I am in an amazing place, starting new friendships and a new romantic connection. I hate to sit all preachy and boast about how happy I am, when its not 100% true. I just write this blog for myself and sometimes it feels better to get it out, and if you read and enjoy, that's great. David Drifter is slowly fading, there are very little carefree days, but when they come they are cherished, the responsibilities that come with life are a heavy bundle.
I am still lost in this world, but I believe I am getting closer to being found, it may take a few more years, but I will find my place and no longer feel lost.
I love all of you, this world is an amazing place, try to remember perspective is a valuable tool to examine your life.