Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Feeling of Being Needed, Letting Guilt In

Today marks a first for me. To say in my entire life I have put work above all else is an understatement  those who have seen me work know that I have a dedication and am fiercely loyal. For years I have worked countless 70 plus hour weeks and destroyed relationships with family and friends in the process. When I get a job I feel it is my place to do whats right for the company and will push everything else away to get the job done.

Yesterday on my day off, I was called in to work for a sick employee, now usually I do not mind working an extra day because I do not have much going in my life. This was a massive inconvenience though as I am in a long distance relationship with an amazing girl, and between work schedules and time zones we seldom get to talk for long periods, this is where my days off come in. Today, however is the day before Thanksgiving here in the United States and my Grandmother is driving 3 hours to have a meal with me because I work tomorrow. This will be the first time we have done thanksgiving together in 4 years, but the other worker is still sick and I am needed. I could call my Grandmother, have her turn around, and she would understand, as I have done this to many times to count. She has been on the receiving end of my overworking not caring enough for my family needs far too many times. I want us to have fun and enjoy Thanksgiving, even if it is in a restaurant and for a short time a day early. She was watched me work every holiday we had since I was 15 years old, pushing the family aside.

This brings us to a new first in my life, I put family first said enough I will not work. I am overcome with guilt however for letting the company down and not dropping everything to go in, but I am standing my ground. I hope I do not change my mind. Guilt is a powerful motivator.

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