Sunday, February 19, 2012

Futbol, Kidnappings, Forced Intoxication, and Underage Girls

I moved out of Guadalajara earlier this week and flew to Cancun, it was a good flight with little trouble.I arrived to my new farm Friday afternoon, it has a good feel to it. As I arrived there was no one home, so I took some time to investigate. It seems after scanning the place, finding a couple roaches (the good kind), piles of stems and seeds and a steady amount of  beer bottles, that this is the place for me. The farm house is like the world's largest tree house/palapa, four stories in all, and I sleep in a hammocka.  As many of you know this weekend is Carnival or Mardi Gras in the states,  so everyone left the farm and went to the nearby Isla de Holbox for celebrations. There was one other WWoofer at the house when I arrived, he is French, so for the remainder of this story we will call him Francis.

On Saturday morning I woke up in the treehouse, made breakfast, and then Francis and I headed to Holbox for some Drifter style debauchery. I should have warned him because I do not think he was prepared for me. The trip started after we exited the bus and instead of taking the ferry, I found I guy in a small boat with big engines to take us to la isla. This ride was not for the weak of heart, very choppy, high flying, just awesomeness; I have some friends in the states that would have been vomiting badly, it is a good thing I don't get sick.
The entire island looks like a Corona commercial, so we commence to drinking a few beers. With a few beers in; I decided to rent a golf cart (the main form on transportation on the island) because it was getting progressively harder to walk. I got the cart for 2 hours because I figured I had about two hours of acceptable decision making  and motor skills left. I was right, after a bottle of Tequila, a long drive on the beach, capped off with a joint and swim, we returned to the city. Right outside the rental place was a small restaurant with the most awesome empanadas, and a kid playing NFL Football on playstation. The kid and I discussed football and futbol after we left to get another beer. While walking down the beach the aforementioned kid and his friends were starting a pick game of futbol. Francis and I joined in, now I am no athlete anymore but I tried hard. Our team lost badly, but I did manage to score 2 goals and make one stop as goal tender (nevermind those 3 goals that got past me). 

Rest and recuperation was needed so we went to our hostel to relax, being cheap I rented only a hammocka for the night. After a shower and a nap we headed back out. We got downtown and bought a beer, not more then 3 minutes later some teenagers pulled up in a golf cart, and told us to get in "we wanna to get fucked up" they exclaimed in english. I jumped on immediately and Francis cautiously followed. I was hoping that this would be fun and not some trick where you lead a tourist out to harvest his organs and rape his skull, but on the back of a golf cart at 7 mph, I had no escape. We got to their hotel which was very far away,  after the initial, how  do we get back, and what did I get myself into paranoia subsided, I was handed a cup to fill with ice, Bacardi and Coke. There was something wrong with this party it was all dudes, but I heard in the distance girls screaming and loud music. I got out my bloodhound senses and found the party, I was greeted warmly and danced with a bunch of girls as my hat was passed around and my  beard tugged. Soon everyone was pouring shots down my throat, I am not quite sure why but they were free and the girls pretty. 

Then the police arrived, it seems as though they have there own bloodhound senses and can find a party as well. I was then made aware that the girls were not of age and it was suggested to me to leave. I poured a drink for the road and the guys who kidnapped us, drove us to town. I do not remember much after that, other than Francis exited to cart downtown and I stayed on. This morning I woke in my hostel and hammock, with no bruises and all my organs.  Now all this was in Spanish which I do not speak. 
I am alive and safe and glad to be here I do not know what the day holds for me,but I am sure there will be some more hard partying tales to come, like the time I got robbed by the police, while trying to walk to the store in Guadalajara.


  1. Awwwweeeeesome! Although it doesn't sound like you were Kidnapped at all!

  2. You always manage to find an adventure

  3. dude

    You are totally, seriously, all fucked up, how do you afford this great lifestyle being a WWoofer ?

    1. I have not an Idea, but somehow I can usually find free booze and drugs, never say no to anything that is free